maybelle victor

One of the most rewarding and frustrating thing in this world is thought.

Thoughts help us mold our beliefs and principles.
It helps us visualize and realize our dreams.
It drives on of the basic forces in life: assertion.

Thoughts help us direct our feelings.
It gives reason a twist – specially, when all you feel is against everything you believe in.
It introduces you to a whole new world – one with doubt and paranoia.

Which does not make it necessarily immoral or evil, but rather, frustratingly self-instigating.
And so, the many times we use, “I thought that…”
And that’s exactly why I’m writing this entry.

I can never understand how your silent smile can draw mere pretense on the curve of my lips;
or see logic at the line of shadow along the sides of your face.
It’s not really as easy as you think,
sitting here everyday, staring into space – or at this stupid piece of square shit, attempting to work my ass off.
It’s just that my mind flies to somewhere else,
somewhere with you – in space.

Okay, so this crazy crap is messing my brain and this is the only time I could pull it off.
When I declare and write it so the world knows about it.
Or you do.
Still, I’m so scared to admit it.

You can never finish a sentence if you continue to delete the first few phrases.
It’s like stage fright. Until that moment when your throat clears up and those butterflies in your stomach fly away to Nothingland, you’re forever stuck in a moment of light that shall demise your ultimate stardom to a humiliating seed, forever haunting and always growing.

What is?

A forever love story.

Whatever happened to hopeless romantic, muses and dreams
to inspiration, fiction
breathing and touch
to storybooks and stories
to smiles and cloudy eyes
to different shades of real and surrealism?

Still there – stuck at a time that no longer exists.
Never moving on.
Blinded of an ever after that is still waiting to happen.
Caught in a sight that never passed.

How do you feel when you look at a blank wall? A sheet of paper? A canvass? or An empty notepad page?

Most people would rather look away, turn the page or simply, exit and move along to something more appealing to the eye.

Not me.

Well, of course, there’s the occassional stare into space, and the frequent lapse into the abyss as you fill it in with letters and words, but really, it’s the meaning that makes the most sense. What else would it be if it wasn’t?

So after such careful rant and an attempt to cut the monotony of this sheet of white, all I wanted to say is, I am so in love with you.

And to all those who are in love, fill each other’s life with words and meaning, with color and laughter. Life is beautiful and short.
Share smiles and sunlight through each other’s eyes. Love like tomorrow – an ever after that starts now. Above all, extend your happiness. It is contagious and it never hurts.

Embrace someone. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you care.

So, amidst this white space, I tell you, I do care.

If only you could get to read this.
Maybe, it wouldn’t be so difficult.

How in the world can someone ever determine if a person is psychologically imbalanced?  Is it really through various tests that psychologists do?  How are we, normal people going to really see if someone is fit to live in a society or not?  Do we not feel so lost most of the time?  Do we not recognize norms, specially when we are being neglected?  Are we not different from the lunatics we cage in an institution?  Isn’t this society one troubled world of unbecoming and irresponsible logic?

There is no one else to trust but oneself and yet, I can’t help but doubt.